In the aftermath...

" my neck feels like its getting worse. it hurts even when im just sitting down looking straight. :("

-- I know I know, I am so sorry, you have absolutely no idea. I regret that which I did.

" i know you feel bad about it as is but how could you be so careless&reckless with me? I'm so friggin mad at you."

-- I don't see why you wouldn't. My job as a man, as a companion and a friend is to protect you. Not hurt you GGRRRRRR.... Never in my life did I see myself stooping down that low.

" what was the point of your letter? this isn't my fault and nothing i can or could do is going to fix it."

-- The point and purpose of the letter was not fulfilled. It was for God to guide us through those forty days. At the end of that time, we would have ideally worked most of our problems and we could have continued on with our lives. What hurts me the most was that upon the first day, I had already seen a change, thanks to God. You had gotten upset but quickly did what you could to resolve it. It was then that I knew God was helping us. Though not perfect, for six days we were on good tracks until the seventh. It was my idiocy that destroyed our hope and for that I can't ask for forgiveness enough. The reason I was mad in the first place was that I got really jealous that you and Joe were talking a lot. The part that infuriated me the most was when the both of you left to take out the trash alone. I told you what I think of him. I also let you know that it bothered me when you both talked a long time ago. I don't trust him around any of my lady friends at all. He is a type of guy that knows very well how to manipulate situations and people. That's why it bothered me every time he was being extremely nice to you. Why he would offer you drinks at all times and why at other times, he tried to make me look like the jerk. That is also why before we left the house, I shook my head at him when he told you that you could go visit even if I didn't go. Forgive me but I do not trust him whatsoever with you. Another thing is that since you flirt without trying, you being nice to him gives him the wrong signals. I would've like for you to be cold towards him for those specific reasons. I honestly believe that if he truly wanted, he could set out to steal you from me. I'm not being insecure, I just know the type of person that he is. That is why I was upset, but I knew that given time, I would've gotten over it. No the letter wasn't to point the finger your way. The original letter was so that if the forty days had gone as planned and I had done all possible, then maybe the problem wasn't me. I take responsibility that the forty days weren't finished because of my outbreak. No it wasn't your fault. The only thing that you could have done was to tell me to stay when I asked you. I know what you said that we were going to be through upon my next outburst. For that I needed to know at the moment that you wanted to work things out. But you weren't sure so I walked away. Asking and wanting for someone to stay isn't always begging, it can also show that your pride is set aside and that you truly do want to fight for us. At that point, it was not my call but yours.

"you have no idea how hard it was to fight the urge to ask you to stay. i didn't ask you to leave frank. you insisted on leaving."

-- I did insist on leaving. But the reason was because I had done something terrible and wanted you to want me to stay. Just as when you first went off with Angel and as we were talking you asked me to stay, and I said yes. It's that string of hope that whatever happened can be worked out.

" it is not my place to fight for you. i would fight for us at your side. begging you is no my place. yes, i have a billion flaws."

-- That wouldn't have been begging. I was asking

" im sorry for disrespecting you. its something i have to work on. but it doesn't justify what you did under any circumstance."

-- No it doesn't, you are absolutely right.

" i trust you with my life enough to get on that bike. i used to think i was safe with you but im only safe when you're not mad."

-- Actually, the whole way to your house, I drove very carefully and I was calm. The reason why I accelerated in the beginning was because you were refusing to hold me the right way. You know that I do not like the way you barely hold my shirt when you are mad. You weren't holding on the right way when I asked you and so I did what I did. I didn't intend to hurt your neck. And yes you're right, nothing justifies my actions. Forgive me please.

" i melted when you grabbed me and that quickly turned into fear. that wasn't a hug frank i was so scared i walked away speechless."

-- I scared myself as well, I can't believe that it happened.

" it hurts me when you can't control your anger. when you scream. punch things, throw things. it hurts me."

-- It's a problem I know

" ur sorry but that's not going to fix it you really should get help because the way you express your anger is not normal or healthy"

" it makes me angry that i can't just not think about it because i have the pain in my neck to remind me what happened yesterday"

" part of me just wants to forget about it and pretend nothing happened because i want you in my life but this isn't something small"

-- Believe me, I wanted to tell you to forget about the whole thing as well, but I know that it isn't small.

" it hurts that it ended over something that wasn't my fault. because if it were i could fix it."

" its hard to keep myself from taking more that my share of the blame because then we could fix things but i can't do that again"

" i have to keep telling myself its not my fault. its not me."

-- No it wasn't

" i know you want to stay away from me thats fine. it sucks but its fine. but i will be here when you need someone for anything"

-- Thank you, I want to say the same but I know not if it's best

" im sure jose's door is open if you want help. you have the resources to grow/mature you just have to want it enough."

" thank you for everything youve done for me. thank you for taking my crap and for making me smile i am going to miss you like crazy"

-- And I you

" adios francisco. cuidate. te amo."

-- Tambien te amo